Ok, so last weekend, I went into the city again to party it up with the divas (Amanda Giordano, Julia, Allison Caruana & a no-show Meg Donoghue). A lot of fun, but it was an adventure & a half from the start of the night.
I get to the Hicksville train station & discover that all trains except my own are delayed because of “track conditions.” One train was even delayed 62 minutes. I would’ve freaked out. But I stayed calm; my train ended up only being about 8 minutes late. Get on the train, it’s moving somewhat slower than usual, but at least I’m moving. We were all supposed to meet up around 6:30pm at Ali’s apartment in Chelsea. At this point, I’ll get there only about 15 mins late. No biggie. Then we get to the Hillside facility. At Hillside, they tell us that our train is going to be delayed “indefinitely” & we could get out, walk around, whatev. I’m thinking, “Grrreeeaaat!” But I was still uncharacteristically calm & unbothered. Luckily, it only 10 minutes before our train started moving again. (Naturally, I stayed on the train so I could continue rereading Harry Potter & the Chamber of Secrets.)
We start moving & all’s well in that glorious 6 or so minutes it takes to get to Jamaica, a big station where most lines run through & you can transfer, etc. The train stops & without warning the conductor announces, “Train service between Penn Station & Jamaica has been terminated. All passengers must get off the train.”
Everyone’s confused. There’s another announcement: “Anyone who wishes to continue to Penn Station at this time can board the train to Brooklyn & take the subway up to Penn Station.” That was it. No “Sorry for the inconvenience on this disgustingly muggy, misty evening!”
So I got on the train to Brooklyn with about half of the other confused passengers. I ask around & find out which stop will take me to a subway line that I needed to get to Ali’s. Because I’ll talk to anyone, I make friends with this 48ish-year-old woman named Kathleen because she was talking about how she was supposed to be doing a table reading of Taming of the Shrew. She ends up being a minister who had family members go to Marist & genius kids ages 18 & 23. We chat til I get to my stop. Or so I think. The train kept on going. Turns out, the A-line skips 8th & 23rd – only the C & E take you there. I had to get off at Penn Station. I was so impatient at that point that I just walked the 12 blocks/1 ave to Ali’s. I got there, drenched in sweat. My newly cut hair was unfortunately frizzed & ruined. It was gross.
My parents saw on the news during my endeavors that someone had been hit by the train. It ended up being a 12-year-old boy who snuck through a hole in a fence down ONTO THE TRAIN TRACKS TO DO GRIFFITI & ended up getting hit. His parents are now screaming at everyone about how it’s MTA’s fault for having a hole in their fence. No, fuckers. It’s YOUR FAULT for not teaching your kid that while defacing public property is wrong, playing on the fucking train tracks is just plain stupid. 13-yr-old boys will be 13-yr-old boys, but at 13-yrs-old, one should know that playing on the train tracks will get you a one-way ticket to the Darwin Awards.
As I was recapping my story that evening, it was still when we thought that someone had jumped on the tracks. I have come to the conclusion that committing suicide by jumping in front of a train during rush hour is probably the most selfish thing that you can do. It’s how Randy would kill himself. It could even be more selfish than stealing from the poor box, I don’t know. You’re not only inconviencing yourself/loved ones by dying, you’re also now affecting thousands of commuters who just wanna get where they’re going. Could you BE any more selfish? Granted, someone who’s trying to kill themselves probably isn’t really in a very logical frame of mind, but as Gob would say, “Come ON.” Don’t make everyone else suffer bc you think your life isn’t worth living. If you thought no one cared about you before, certainly no one will care about you after you’ve made them wait 5 hours on a train while police clean up your gallbladder from track 2. If you really want to do the train thing, get a razor, find a bathtub & go down the tracks that way.
That is all. More on the weekend/pictures later on. Ali & Amanda posted up pictures on Facebook, though. Ali did my make-up that night & I really don’t look like myself at all. I think I’m just gonna stick with my eyeliner & mascara & call it a day.
