Road Trip, Day 6 – The Never-Ending Traffic Jam

Written By: Colleen - Nov• 29•06

Ok, so Saturday morning. Wasn’t too hungover at all, but the damn bed was SO comfortable that I just didn’t want to get up. I’m not even going to try to describe this bed because I don’t think I could do it justice. It was magical. Fluffy, comfy, soft mattress, comforter & pillows. I’m not one to lounge around in bed very often, but I could’ve totally wasted the entire day in that little cotton heaven.

Moving on. I went down to the lobby while Tricia took a shower so that I could mail some postcards, browse the gift shop, etc. The hotel manager was there & asked if I was finding everything alright, told me about the Veterans Day parade the city was having, etc. Basically doing what hotel employees do. Then he asks, “Are you a part of the NY/CA duo?” LOL. Apparently word did get around the hotel. He offered us free breakfast vouchers to the awesome buffet (greatest french toast ever), which was so sweet. We didn’t realize til when we got the check that they were worth like $20 each.

As Tricia said, Nashville was good for the self-esteem. The heavy-set, elderly, stereotypical black guy with the apron shining shoes in the lobby told us that we were very pretty girls, ha. It was fun being a headturner for a few hours. As much as I love being center of attention – or rather, love being in charge of things – I’m honestly very glad that I’m not one of those girls who all the boys fall in love with at first sight. I’m perfectly content with not being “that hot girl” because that type of attention always makes me feel uneasy, uncomfortable in general. I’d much rather people want to hang out with me because I’m fun rather than because they think I’m attractive. I think if I were hot, I’d act differently knowing that I could get things easier in life because most people will give me a break or a chance quicker because they want to bone me. That’s not the kind of power I’d EVER want to have. It’s creepy knowing you can take advantage of so many people/situations that way. I don’t know. This is a long, unnecessary tangent. But it’s true. Ooooohhh, insight into Colleen’s brain! Oooooohhh. Scaaaaary

Alrighty then. After reluctantly checking out, we walked around Nashville for a little bit. Went to check out the Country Music Hall of Fame, did the tourist thing (cheesy short video, live from the streets of Nashville) & bought cheesy stuff. Tricia got a truckers hat (picture below) and I got a pageboy style cap that I’m determined to wear more than just 3 times, like I do every other fashion accessory I own except my Yankees hat, cross, rings & nameplate. Afterwards, we hit up the Parthanon, which is a replica of the real thing. It was pretty freaking neat actually. I love that shit. I wanna go to Greece. And Italy. And Egypt. And lots of places with cool historical shit.

So we set off around 2:30ish & set off to make it to or as close to Roanoke, VA as we could. Around 5:30, we stopped near Knoxville, TN at a Sonic – my first ever. Also great. So now I can say I like 3 whole fast food establishments: In-N-Out Burger, Dairy Queen & Sonic. Thank God that I can’t get them on LI. Or in NY, in general (the Po-town DQ doesn’t count). All was going well until about 6:45pm, when we hit some traffic on Rt. 81N, just outside Knoxville. After the “NOW it feels like we’re on the East Coast” jokes, we realize that we’re not moving still. An hour goes by. We move up about 10 feet every 20 minutes or so. Suddenly, it’s after 8pm. We’re still about a 1/2 mile from where we first stopped. We had the car in park for a while. We did have fun in traffic: we made fun of the guy in the car in front of us for actually getting out of his car & walking a HALF MILE TO MCDONALDS, which we could see in the distance. He made it back with about an hour to spare, no joke. There’s lots of “Colleen & Tricia delirious in traffic” videos. Though the most ridiculous part is as follows:

We spent the majority of our traffic time in the right lane. At one point, Tricia looks into the car that was next/diagnally behind us. All of a sudden, I hear: “OH MY GOD! SHE’S GIVING HIM A HAND JOB! RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN! OH MY GOD!” So naturally, I look over & sure enough, there’s some hanky panky goin’ on. But it’s dark, so we move onto other things. About an hour later (the time all blurs together though), Tricia nearly starts choking and almost screeches, “OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! SHE’S UNDER A COAT ON HIS LAP! SHE’S UNDER A COAT ON HIS LAP! SHE’S TOTALLY GIVING HIM ROAD HEAD! THEY’RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE DISCREET! OH MY GOD!” So naturally, I look. Woah now. Yes, she was. Dude just had the best 2 hrs, 20 minutes of traffic of his life.

We actually found out towards the end that there was a 3 car crash with 3 fatalities. Sad. But at least we made the best of the wait. About 20 minutes before we started moving for good, we decided we were not in the mood for everything’s silly time anymore & I busted out my laptop & we watched Van Wilder. It was after 9pm at this point & we were still like 350 miles from Roanoke & exhausted from the night before & the tenseness of the traffic. We crossed the border into VA & stayed at some hotel in Wyndsville (sp?) at around midnight. We woke up at 5am the next morning to try to make up for lost time.

Traffic is fun for the first 2 hours: